How to be a Good Husband

"Don't lose sight of the fact that, once a man is married, the only sensible thing for him to do is to make best of the circumstances" - Page 7 from How to be a Good Husband


I went to my friend's house yesterday. In the loo there was this most interesting book that I found. It was entitled, "How to be a Good Husband". It is the kind of book that you could read, in its entirety, in 30 minutes. While it is very small and a short read, I found it very interesting and well written. It's not often that you read a book and every sentence is a true gem!

The book was originally written in 1934. The Amazon product description reads:

Marriage can be a series of humorous miscommunication, a power struggle, or a diplomatic nightmare. Men and women have long struggled to figure each other out—and the misunderstandings can continue well after they’ve been joined in matrimony. But long before Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, couples turned to self-help booklets such as How to Be a Good Husband andHow to Be a Good Wife, two historic advice books that are now delightfully reproduced by the Bodleian Library.

            The books, originally published in the 1930s for middle-class British couples, are filled with witty and charming aphorisms on how wives and husbands should treat each other. Some advice is unquestionably outdated—“It is a wife’s duty to look her best. If you don’t tidy yourself up, don’t be surprised if your husband begins to compare you unfavorably with the typist at the office”—but many other pieces of advice are wholly applicable today. They include such insightful sayings as: “Don’t tell your wife terminological inexactitudes, which are, in plain English, lies. A woman has wonderful intuition for spotting even minor departures from the truth”; “After all is said and done, husbands are not terribly difficult to manage”; or “Don’t squeeze the tube of toothpaste from the top instead of from the bottom. This is one of the small things of life that always irritates a careful wife.”

            Entertaining and charmingly illustrated, How to Be a Good Husband and How to Be a Good Wife offer enduringly useful advice for all couples, from the newly engaged to those celebrating their golden anniversary.

The Amazon comments from buyers is also interesting. One read:

Originally published in 1936, this little handbook is incredibly datedly sexist, and pretty funny because of that. Lots of advice along the lines of "Even though you make all the money, you should still show her respect" and "don't forget that washing and cooking can be difficult too." Shows how times have changed.

"Don't neglect your wife's advice on manners pertaining to your own dress. As a rule, a woman knows better than a man what suits him..."

It may be sexist and it may be funny, but much of the advice is spot on and, I think, useful in this day and age where stability is a rarity and mutual respect is a fast disappearing act (not to mention skyrocketing divorce rates). While many young people may find this book unusable, I think it has very wise platitudes that many would do well to observe.

For example: 

"Do remember that there can only be true happiness where there is self-deial. The ideal union is where each strives to yield to the reasonable wishes of the other."  - Page 41 from How to be a Good Husband

How often are we advised today, especially in western society, that the road to happiness is self-sacrifice? Not very many places, I think. This sort of attitude, while it may be considered "dated" by many westerners, seems to still be common thought in many households in Japan - in spite of all Japan's warts.

Reading this book reminds me of a buddhist priest friend of mine who told me what a truly happy marriage was and how I had finally found one myself. He said, "You and your wife are the nearly perfect couple. The nearly perfect couple stays together for a long time not because of sex or what people today consider, "love." They stay together because they are sympathetic to each others mutual suffering. They feel a bond. This is a bond that allows them to self-sacrifice for the other. That is true happiness."

Sure, How to be a Good Husband is a tiny and short book that can be read all at lunchtime... But, where in the world can you find such good advice on how to treat your wife and family correctly, without a bunch of politically correct nonsense all within 92 short pages? Not many places, I think.

There's also a companion book called, How to Be a Good Wife. I haven't read it, but think  will. Not only will it be fun and funny, it most likely has tons of gems in it too!

- Thanks to Ken Nishikawa and Ayumi Maeno, probably the happiest married couple you could ever hope to meet. And why not? They have both How to be a Good Husband and How to Be a Good Wife books in the loo! 

Very Sprite, Alert and Healthy 95 Year Old Guy Gives Tips for a Long Life

Recently I have been writing a lot about philosophical things like life & death, purpose, respect and dedication as well as choosing a partner well. Today, I'd like to introduce to you a guy who I have met in these last few days that has really blown my mind. I also want to share some of his philosophies on living a long life. I'm sure you will get a smile and a laugh as I did.

IGGY POP - LUST FOR LIFE

I am so glad to introduce you to this fascinating man. You'll be glad you met him too! His name is Yasuyuki Hashimoto and he is 95-years-old. I suppose being 95-years-old is pretty cool but, in Japan, it's not that unusual. The thing amazing about Yasuyuki Hashimoto is that he is 95 years old and must the one of the brightest, most energetic, alert and healthy 95-year-old folks you'll ever meet... He's totally coherent and he stays in the conversation and is not hard of hearing. 

Yasuyuki Hashimoto 95-years-old  March 2, 2011

Not only that, but Yasuyuki has never been admitted into a hospital in his entire life!!!


Get that? Of course Yasuyuki has visited doctors before, but he has never stayed overnight in a hospital in his entire life. Can you believe that!? Wow! He must be some sort of miracle of science.  


But I guess he's not a miracle of science. Yasuyuki was a guy who worked hard and played hard too! Yasuyuki told me about the old days when he was a salesman for Ishikawa Heavy Industries (IHI) and he said he smoked about 1.5 packs of cigarettes a day and drank to excess nightly.

As a salesman for IHI in the 1950's

"Mike, as you know, in Japan, salesmen must drink with their clients. I was a good salesman so I was drunk often." Yasuyuki said. His 63-year-old son added, "What!? You were drunk every night!" Looking at me the son added, "Sometimes he would pass out in the street and we'd have to carry him home. ."


Yes. Yes. I can relate to that... Thank god, I don't do that anymore! "Excuse me, bartender! I'll have what he's drinking!


Anyway, Yasuyuki says he stopped drinking 5 years ago and stopped smoking about 15 years ago.  

Yasuyuki in army uniform looking a lot like 

Erwin Rommel (circa 1942)

I have met many 70-year-olds that weren't half as spry and alert as Yasuyuki is. This guy is simply amazing! Yesterday we had lunch together and we were talking about old times and he was joking about how much he used to like to drink to excess (something that I can definitely relate to). His conversational abilities are incredible.... And I don't mean incredible for his age, I mean, he's glib and funny and tells jokes! 


Wow! I hope that I can be 1/2 as bright and bushy-tailed as Yasuyuki is when I'm 80! In fact, when Yasuyuki was 80 years old, his son told me of a time that his father met a stewardess at a bus stop and wound up with the young lady accompanying him back home. Imagine that! You have an 80-year-old dad who is very peppy, energetic, red-blooded and robust guy showing up back at home with some pretty 30-some year old airlines stewardess! Wow! You can't make this stuff up.


Yeah. When I grow up I want to be just like Yasuyuki Hashimoto!   

Yasuyuki as a junior high school

student circa 1930 (back row - upper right)

Yasuyuki Hashimoto was born in Tokyo in 1916. He went to school in Tokyo and was conscripted into the Imperial Japanese Army immediately after university. During the war, in 1942, he was stationed in Indonesia and say he spent his time enjoying the country and fishing.


There were no big battles in the area his unit was stationed in. He did say, though, that American planes would come snooping around everyday and some of the rascals in his unit wanted to shoot at the plane, but cooler heads prevailed. Yasuyuki and the others knew that if they shot at the plane, the Americans would just come back tomorrow with more planes, so they left them alone (kind of like not whacking a hornet's nest).


He said he and his fellows soldiers would stand around and look at the plane as it flew around. The planes were so close that they could see the pilot's face! They'd stare at the pilot and the pilot would stare back and  then fly away.


This theater of the absurd went on for everyday until the end of the war.

Out with the boys on the field in Indonesia 1942

About the war, I asked Yasuyuki if he and his fellow soldiers believed that the emperor was god? Yasuyuki looked incredulously at me and said, "No! Are you kidding? We weren't that stupid!" We both then howled with laughter.


Yasuyuki has many funny and interesting stories. I wish I could share them all with you.

Student conscripts in front of Mt. Fuji (circa 1940)

I did, though, ask Yasuyuki two important questions. The first was, "What is the secret to long life?"


Yasuyuki answered, "Live a boring, peaceful life." 


That makes sense. It reminds me, once again, of the Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times." Yasuyuki's advice fits in well; peace and serenity and quiet and calm; those are the secrets to a long life. 


I think it is good advice. I hope that I can live a boring life someday spending quiet time with my family and fishing and living among nature.

Yasuyuki Hashimoto (back row, third from right)

(circa 1942)

The second question I asked Yasuyuki was, "Do you have any advice for readers as to how to live a happy, peaceful and long life?" 

To this Yasuyuki thought for a moment and said, "No. The best advice I can give anyone is no advice. I don't like it when people are always giving out advice. I have no advice to give."


Think about that, dear readers, isn't that just like Zen Buddhism? In a word, Yasuyuki's advice can be summed up as, "The best advice is no advice!"


Wow! I am taking that to heart. Think about it, folks. It's true!


The best advice is no advice! 


Yasuyuki Hashimoto san! May you live long and prosper!

Japan to Hire Foreigners for Travel Advice

Wow! Look at this. Here's one place that the Japanese government seems to be allowing to practice of hiring foreigners!

(Reuters) - Japan is planning to recruit dozens of foreigners to visit the country and give advice on how to make things more travel-friendly for non-Japanese speaking visitors even as it aims for higher tourist numbers.

The government will pay travel allowances to about 100 native English, Chinese and Korean speakers to visit key cities and come up with ideas on how to make it easier for travelers to use public transport, stay at local hotels and eat at local restaurants, said an official at the Japan Tourism Agency.

Although Japan has made an effort to provide information in other languages in recent years, especially in major cities, these remain hit-or-miss and English still dominates.

But Japan's National Tourism Organization projects that the number of visitors from China will reach a record 1.5 million this year, many of them high-spending tourists eager to shop for Japanese electronics and other goods.

"What we hear is that there really isn't enough information on things like how to buy train tickets, or how to use the baths in traditional Japanese inns," said the official.

"It's hard for us Japanese to judge how prepared different parts of the country are -- we need people to use as monitors who really don't know Japan at all."

The official said one way to recruit these travelers could be over the Internet but that they would look at other methods such as asking the relatives of foreign students studying in Japan.

All expenses within Japan will be paid by branch offices of the Transport Ministry, which oversees the Tourism Agency. Part of plane fares to Japan may also be covered.

The information will be compiled by the government as part of a survey of tourism preparedness by late March next year.

From Reuters